CHILD IS FATHER OF MAN-PARENTING.

 

The following article was published in HT on 26Sep 2017.

CHILD IS FATHER OF MAN

Child is the mother of all reforms, at least for me. It is my closely guarded secret, but I grew up cheating frequently on the morning ritual of brushing teeth. The habit continued even after marriage till my daughter was two years and we thought of introducing her to dental hygiene. This simple task sent me into lot of soul searching. My conscience did not permit me to start the lesson till I pass the test of being a worthy teacher in my own eyes. It turned into my nirvana moment and I vowed to be sincere and regular in brushing. I do not know in what context Wordsworth wrote the famous line “Child is father of man”, but for me it means that whatever has not been learnt by you would be forced taught by your children.

Like all parents we too wanted our kids to grow into responsible adults with good and healthy life style. The only way to achieve that, I discovered after running through multiple books on parenting, was to make myself the type of person I wanted my children to become. With this talisman guiding me I set on an eternal journey of self reform. I gradually quit smoking, drinking and reduced junk food and aerated drinks followed by some fundamental changes in life style like getting up early and exercising daily. My driving habits changed so was my behaviour with parents. I also volunteered to be full time caregiver to my parents. The changes did wonder to my personal fitness and health apart from improving me in my own eyes.

It’s a common sight to see people blame and abuse their children/younger generation of being selfish, self centred and rude toward elders. I wonder how these parents were during their younger days. Did they have the qualities they are now expecting out of their children? Did they look after their parents and were kind, caring and honest towards life. Did they teach correct values or be the role models? My take is that most of them merely pushed and prodded their children into never ending rat race of marks, merit, competitions and high paying jobs at the cost of all other attributes. Many of them selfishly used their children to achieve their unfulfilled desires ignoring their natural interests and making them what they finally became.

“Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them” is a famous quote of James Baldwin which could sum up the how and why of parenting. The quote could also be an advice/ warning for parents. If you follow unhealthy eating habits your children too will do the same. The same goes for so many other things   driving, breaking rules, treating your partner, treatment of old age parents etc. They are most likely to pick up good habits from you like watching theatre, reading books, social/community service, writing etc. So be careful of your activities for children follow what you do and not what they are told to do.