WHY I WON'T KEEP ANY MORE PETS

 

            I had often heard people uttering that they would never again keep pets due to the hurt and trauma their demise had caused them. I too felt the same sentiment after the death of our pet lab Kiara, but for entirely different reasons. Few days after her 14^th Birthday Kiara suddenly collapsed during walk and never got up again on her own. She was declared paraplegic by the vet with poor chances of recovery. Unsolicited advices poured in from friends and relatives advising us not to prolong her pain and put her to sleep. She had problems. She could not move her body below neck. Eating was an epic struggle and so was drinking. She moaned, cried and moved her neck painfully when no one was around. But if we were around she seemed to be comfortable. All her whimpering and crying would cease. If we gave her rubs she would close her eyes and slumber as she always used to do. All her pain would magically disappear at our touch.

          Her condition continued to deteriorate rapidly with bed sores turning into wounds. Her dressing became more frequent and painful. How long would it last? It was painful to see Kiara who had been a bundle of life and energy reduced to an immobile piece. I knew that she would never recover. I too at times hoped for her death, though not sure if it was for her relief of pain or for me being spared the task of caring for her. Few times when she had been still I tried to shake her to check the symptoms of life. She would immediately open her eyes staring directly into my eyes. I evaded her eyes just in case she notices what buried deep in my mind. No one spoke but caring was taking a heavy toll on our time and resources. The decision ‘to do or not to do,’ I knew well, lay singularly and exclusively with me. It was 26^th day when I ran out of options and patience.

          I started for the Vet, my mind spiraling as if inside a tornado. In my schema of things mercy killing/euthanasia was nothing but premeditated murder. My inner self nudged me to juxtapose the act I was going to commit against the unconditional love and joy Kiara had given us throughout her life. She never complained and trusted us with her life. Her paralyzed body and hopeful eyes staring me came alive as I drove towards the Vet. I still had senses to apply the litmus test which I often used when faced with ethical dilemmas? What would I be thinking in case I was in her place? What if my kith and kin are planning to send me up early by few days?  How will I explain it to my children and to myself? I quickly made up an alibi, “I would not tell anyone. Keep it a secret. Take a pill or injection from the Doc and use it and declare that it was a natural death.”

           I reached the Vet. Her assistant was waiting for me. He motioned me to go inside. The entrance door had a large mirror where I had had a hard look at myself. In an instant the last 14 years, since I got Kiara as a 10 day old pup, flashed past me. Next moment I was face to face with the Vet, “Doc our pet has developed ticks and I wanted a good shampoo for that”. She felt surprised at my query as I had sought an urgent appointment.  I snatched the prescription and rushed out as if I had seen a ghost. I went directly to Kiara and hugged her tight. Looking directly into her eyes I mumbled an apology. She liked my presence and closed her eyes and waited for the rubs. Kiara was shifted to my double bed and she would sleep there till her end. On 28^th day she stopped eating. On 30^th day she refused water and liquid. On 32^nd day at 0515 hrs her head started oscillating violently. I knew her end was near and kept patting her calling her by name and telling her to relax. After around 10-15 wild movements her neck froze with eyes fixed looking directly at me. She had stopped breathing. I kept looking at her motionless body. I had continued calling her name softly as if soothing a crying baby out of pain. I kept lying with her for some time and then slowly went towards the room of my daughter and wife to disclose the news. I do not know if I was sad or happy but there was an unmistaken and disturbing sense of relief.

“People have forgotten this truth”, the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed.” This eternal truth from the book ‘The little Prince’ by Saint Exupery is what I forgot and that is the reason I would not have any more pet. I am not worthy of keeping a pet.